“Custody” isn’t the right term — how to secure child-centred arrangements

Many parents search for how to get full custody or apply for custody. In England & Wales the court no longer uses “custody”. The correct terms are a Child Arrangements Order saying who the child lives with and when they spend time with the other parent. This article explains the modern approach, why a child-first plan beats a win/lose mindset, and how child-inclusive mediation (CIM) can help you move forward.

Start with language — and mindset

• “Full custody”, “joint custody”, “parental custody” and “child custody” are everyday phrases, but in family law the focus is the child’s best interests, not a parent “winning”.
• If you’re googling how to apply for full custody, how do you file for full custody or how do I apply for full custody, you’re really asking how to apply for a Child Arrangements Order (C100).
• The law is gender-neutral. Searches like how to get full custody as a mother are common, but the court looks at the child’s needs, safety and stability.

Why child-inclusive mediation (CIM) can be key

Where appropriate and safe, CIM gives children a voice (not a choice). A specially trained mediator meets them confidentially, then feeds themes back to parents. This often unlocks stalemates, reduces conflict and leads to clearer custody agreement wording for who the child lives with/spends time with. CIM sits alongside your MIAM and standard mediation.

A practical route map (child-first)

1. Prepare
   Think about schooling, health, routines, relationships and practicalities. If risk is an issue, get early family court legal advice.
2. Mediation before court
   Use mediation to build a plan covering term-time, holidays, handovers, communication and child support. If you agree, a divorce and family lawyer (or family solicitor) can draft a consent order.
3. If you must apply
   When mediation isn’t suitable, you can still apply for custody (i.e., a Child Arrangements Order). That’s the realistic answer to getting full custody or how to get joint custody. The court will consider safeguarding, each parent’s care, and how well each supports the child’s relationship with the other (where safe).

What the court actually weighs

• Safety and welfare (including any evidence of harm).
• Quality and continuity of care in each home.
• Practical stability (school, housing, support network).
• Ability to promote the child’s relationship with the other parent.
  Bring facts, not accusations. Mediated proposals plus targeted input from family law experts carry weight.

Working with lawyers 

You may want limited help from solicitors family law for checkpoints rather than full representation throughout. Look for calm, child-focused practitioners who offer clear family law advice and collaborate with mediation. If needed, ask for a short fixed-fee session for family court divorce spill-over issues or a second opinion on parental custody rights (properly, parental responsibility).

FAQs (phrased the way people search)

• How to get full custody / how to apply for full custody?
  Attend a MIAM, try mediation. If unsuitable, apply on a C100 for a lives-with order and detailed time-with arrangements.
• How do you file for full custody quickly?
  There’s no shortcut; urgent risk can justify interim orders. Otherwise, a mediated plan turned into a consent order is usually faster than litigation.
• Do I need a lawyer?
  Not for every step. Many parents use mediation plus brief divorce and family lawyer advice at key points.
• Can we write our own plan?
  Yes—mediation helps you reality-test it and turn it into a clear order.

The role of The Family Mediation Trust

We help parents move from “my rights” to what the child needs. We offer MIAMs, standard mediation, child-inclusive mediation, and signposting for family law child custody questions (modern terminology included). If you need more support, we can point you to family law experts for precise guidance.

Next step: book a MIAM. We’ll explain options, check safety, and agree whether mediation (with or without CIM) is right for your family. The goal isn’t “full custody”; it’s a stable plan your child can thrive in—now and as life changes.